TORY peer Lord Simon Wolfson has suggested building a flyover stretching from central London to Croydon, as a means of easing traffic congestion in the capital.
He says this is a 'mind-blowingly simple' solution - others may argue it's mind-blowingly daft.
In tribute to Lord Wolfson's brainwave (or should that be brainfade?) here's at least five ideas that are even more stupid than his:
1)Build the new Westfield/Hammerson centre entirely out of chocolate Yes, our badly needed new shopping centre needs big brands and high-profile names to bring the shoppers in, but why not do something a little different and exciting? Nestle have left a confectionery-shaped hole in our town, hence combining the worlds of chocolate and retail to create the planet's first edible shopping centre makes perfect sense. Doesn't it?2) Sack Tony Pulis and replace him with Big Ron Atkinson It's all very well saying Tony Pulis has done a great job since taking over at Palace but, this winning a lot lark is dull isn't it? We need a return to mediocrity, the heady days of losing but with a laugh. Enter Big Ron Atkinson – a poor manager and even worse TV pundit, his penchant for empty clichés and enlightened view on race relations would be the perfect antidote to Pulis' professional outlook, attention to detail and tactical nous.3) Get rid of the trams and bring more cars into our town centre Trains on a street? What a stupid idea. If Croydon really aspires to be a city it needs the one thing all great world cities have – lots of cars pumping out lots of smog and lots of noise. While you're at it, get rid of that stupid pedestrianised section of North End, and give us some proper traffic jams to enjoy.4) Evict every single Surrey Street market trader and build a giant Poundland Sure, Surrey Street has been around since the 12th century and is London's oldest street market, but who needs local produce, great fruit and veg, delicious street food and a vibrant atmosphere when you can grab hold of three bottles of bleach or a Melinda Messenger 2001 calendar and still have change from a quid?5) Erect a statue of Croydon's finest Kate Moss in the town centre Now haven't we heard this somewhere before? What do you mean it was an April Fool? Oh well, it's not as stupid an idea as building a massive flyover across half of London now, is it?Do you have any daft ideas that Croydon could adopt in the future? Post your suggestions below...
1)Build the new Westfield/Hammerson centre entirely out of chocolate Yes, our badly needed new shopping centre needs big brands and high-profile names to bring the shoppers in, but why not do something a little different and exciting? Nestle have left a confectionery-shaped hole in our town, hence combining the worlds of chocolate and retail to create the planet's first edible shopping centre makes perfect sense. Doesn't it?2) Sack Tony Pulis and replace him with Big Ron Atkinson It's all very well saying Tony Pulis has done a great job since taking over at Palace but, this winning a lot lark is dull isn't it? We need a return to mediocrity, the heady days of losing but with a laugh. Enter Big Ron Atkinson – a poor manager and even worse TV pundit, his penchant for empty clichés and enlightened view on race relations would be the perfect antidote to Pulis' professional outlook, attention to detail and tactical nous.3) Get rid of the trams and bring more cars into our town centre Trains on a street? What a stupid idea. If Croydon really aspires to be a city it needs the one thing all great world cities have – lots of cars pumping out lots of smog and lots of noise. While you're at it, get rid of that stupid pedestrianised section of North End, and give us some proper traffic jams to enjoy.4) Evict every single Surrey Street market trader and build a giant Poundland Sure, Surrey Street has been around since the 12th century and is London's oldest street market, but who needs local produce, great fruit and veg, delicious street food and a vibrant atmosphere when you can grab hold of three bottles of bleach or a Melinda Messenger 2001 calendar and still have change from a quid?5) Erect a statue of Croydon's finest Kate Moss in the town centre Now haven't we heard this somewhere before? What do you mean it was an April Fool? Oh well, it's not as stupid an idea as building a massive flyover across half of London now, is it?Do you have any daft ideas that Croydon could adopt in the future? Post your suggestions below...
