SO, it's the Christmas season. I personally love it, though I know some people don't. I love the dark nights lit up by the twinkle of fairy lights; I love opening the decorations box and finding all the baubles and children's drawings that I packed away carefully last year; I love the Christmas films, songs and food and I love the atmosphere of the season.
Christmas is a time of year when I like everything to be very similar to the way that it was last year, to the way it was the year before that and to all the years before that one right back to childhood. I am lucky enough to be able to say that my childhood Christmases were lovely. In part I try and recreate them in the celebrations that my family now enjoys. I have an artificial tree, more tinsel than is stylish and a colour scheme that I like to describe as tacky and tawdry.
My formative Christmases were 1970s' affairs and so my current Christmases have that vibe too. How about you? Do you love this time of year or despair at it? Do you recreate the Christmases of the past or work hard to forget them and paint new memories over the top of the old?
In the television advert world of Christmas, the season is all about giving, sharing, smiling and togetherness. For too many people, the reality of the season is about frenzied shopping to fulfil the giving, desperately trying to find the right things and sometimes, about feeling lonely and sad when the rest of the world seems to be on Christmas Cloud Nine.
If you love shopping, have enough money for all that you want to buy and enough time and energy to do it all, then the shopping and present-giving aspect of Christmas will give you the joy of the season. If time, money, energy, ideas and real togetherness are eluding you, then I would like to encourage you to at least carve out a part of Christmas that brings you happiness. It's a cliché, but Christmas can be about more than just giving and getting. It's a cliché because it is said so often and it is said so often because we too easily forget that we can create at least parts of the festive season the way that we want them.
What do you like about Christmas? The food, the television, meeting up with family, the work Christmas do, planning the gifts, shopping, Christmas fairs, Christmas carols, church services, school plays, Christmas jumpers, the decorations, the lights, the children's enjoyment, crafting, baking, cosy nights in, big nights out, mulled wine, hot chocolate and cream, Christmas Eve bedtime for the children, Christmas morning excitement, online shopping, going out shopping, seeing old friends, remembering loved ones and past Christmases, time alone to review your year, time with others to plan the new year, a quiet time in your job or business, a busy or buzzing time in your work or business, glamorous Christmas shoes and outfits, cosy slippers and pyjamas?
Whatever it is that you most like about Christmas, plan it into the next few weeks. Do it now. Decide what you would like this festive season to be like for you and go about creating some of that for yourself. Decide what you would like it to be like for your children, partner and family as a whole, and think about how you can include the key ingredients from the list and the ones that I missed out that are vital to you. Work on putting those elements into your celebration. With a little time spent reflecting on what would make Christmas special for you and the family, you are much more likely to have the Christmas that you hope for. Five ways to.... enjoy the Christmas season
1. Getting the children to write a Christmas list is not obligatory. You may want them to, as it gives you ideas and lets you know what they want. We've never done this as a part of Christmas in our house, partly because television advertising of toys gives them weird ideas of what they want and I know the things they would never play with, and partly because I don't want to invite them to ask for a load of stuff I might not give house-room to and that maybe goes beyond the budget.
2. Make some family Christmas traditions that are completely separate from the gift giving and receiving. These traditions, repeated and enjoyed by your family each year, are what will make the basis of your children's Christmas anticipation, enjoyment and memories. What do you do as you put up the tree? (If it's to swear at the broken lights and shout at the children for standing on the baubles, this could be improved for you all!) Is there a film you all watch together? When do you put up the decorations? Is there an outing you always go on or a traditional way in which you spend Christmas Eve or do the bedtime routine on this most exciting of days?
3. Christmas is a time of year when there are a lot of seasonal goods required. You could build in family time by making some of the things that you need together. This could be making paper chains, making the Christmas cards that you will give to close relatives, building a homemade or shop bought gingerbread house, baking biscuits for Santa or making the thank you cards that you'll need after all of the gift giving is done.
4. Christmas dinner is just a big roast really. Get as much food preparation done in advance of the day as you can and actually accept those offers of help, telling people what you'd like them to bring when they ask, instead of saying, "Oh just bring yourselves" and then becoming a cross between a martyr and a slave as you try and make dinner for twenty people. Buy some disposable oven trays just for one day of the year and trim it down to four or even three different vegetables instead of ten. Of course, if part of the enjoyment of the day is cooking as you have a little glass of wine and sing along to cheesy Christmas songs as other people amuse and entertain the children for a while, I'm sure you could come up with ways to make the cooking last a bit longer! 12 different vegetables anyone?
5. Decide on a list of things that you want to do, places that you would like to visit and people you would like to see over Christmas. Remember that I asked you to do this in the main post above. Do it now if you didn't then. I'm nagging now! It's just important to plan ahead so that you get to actually do some of the things that you want. These are the things that can help to make Christmas special. As is always the case, parents need to remember to look after themselves and treat themselves too, as we are much better parents when our batteries are recharged by rest or by doing things we enjoy. Christmas is for the grown-ups in the family as well as the children. Family tip of the week
Time out is best when seen not as a punishment but as a break from a major stresser or a negative moment, that gives time to get calm and be able to communicate appropriately again. Time out is best when seen as something that everyone can benefit from, not just the children! You may be spending time around some family members who press all your buttons and drive you mad in the next few weeks. Take a time out to cool down and calm down so that you can think things through and respond appropriately rather than through irritation or anger. To read more from Tara go to www.theparentinggeek.com
