I REALLY hope my children are happy. I also hope that they are smart, good learners, loyal, fun friends and generous, compassionate human beings. At the core though, I mostly hope that they are happy. I don't mean laughing, skipping, constantly joy-filled, because I don't think that most people could manage the energy requirements of being elated all the time. The kind of happy that I wish for them is contented with the things they have, appreciative of the things they get and hopeful and optimistic about their future.
Into every life some rain does fall. If my children have an optimistic and hopeful outlook then they will be able to take life's knocks in their stride, bounce back from disappointments and rejections and see the bad moments as just a hiccup rather than as a mountain that will defeat them. With this magical recipe of resilience, optimism and appreciation they will have the kind of outlook on their life that will let them flourish. So this is the kind of happiness that I want my children and yours to experience: the kind that will make their day to day experience of life be a positive one that they are glad they are living. When we consciously notice and appreciate things in our life, we are just giving more brainpower over to the positive.
My heating broke down this week and I was without heating and hot water for five days. Now that the boiler is fixed I am so happy to walk passed a radiator in my house and feel warmth from it. Normally I don't even notice; I just switch the heating on and take a warm house for granted. Similarly, how would we truly appreciate the best of times if we didn't have positive and challenging events in our lives too
Sometimes, too much weight is given to preparing children for their future life as an adult. We can too easily treat them like an empty vessel that we need to fill and to shape so that we make them into as good an adult as possible. Children are experiencing and living their life today though. Childhood is not some sort of waiting room in which to wait for adulthood to arrive. Your child is living their very own life today. This is their life, on this day, in this moment and in this place. Their present is just as important as their future. We have the power to affect only the moment of our life that we are in. The rest is unpredictable and subject to change by unforeseen events.
The lives that our children are living are creating the memories that they have and the view of the world that they will take into their adult life.
We parents have great power and control over the day to day moments of our children's lives. We make the decisions, we control the money, and we are in charge. So how can we use this power and control in order to shape lives that our children will enjoy living and that will create a store of safe, happy, positive memories for them? We can make it an active process of planning and doing more of the activities that give us positive time together and know that these times are laying down a firm foundation of happy memories to furnish our children's minds and hearts. Five Ways to . . . Create Happy Memories for our Children
1. Money and expensive things are not the only key to happy childhoods. There is a misconception that children will enjoy and prefer big, expensive outings, possessions and experiences. Your child appreciates your time and attention. If they feel loved by you and special to you, then they are much more likely to be happy. When they receive your time and attention, they are receiving proof that they are important to you and worthy of your love. Find small windows of time to spend together on a regular basis. You need to be in your child's life in order to be in their memories.
2. List out all of the activities that your child loves. You could tell them that you are writing the list and actually ask them what should go on the list. My daughter surprised me today by reminding me that we used to colour in colouring books together. She said that she loved this and asked if we could do it again. That did used to be lovely time, as we would sit companionably and comfortably side by side whilst chatting and sharing. So simple that I probably didn't realise that this time was special to her. By asking, I was reminded of how lovely those times together were too.
3. Anticipation is a lovely feeling. Once you know what your child enjoys doing with you, make a plan together for when you will be able to do that activity. Plan out the details of when and where you will be, how much time you will have and whether it is just the 2 of you or their siblings and your partner too. Many children enjoy sharing the planning of activities as it gives them a sense of being important and the safety and anticipation of knowing what is coming next.
4. Rituals are great for creating lovely memories. When your family celebrates birthdays and festivals, you probably have many rituals and routines that you repeat time after time that add to the enjoyment of the celebrations. Don't just save rituals for big occasions. Add repeated routines and rituals to everyday moments too. You could have Friday night rituals to celebrate and enjoy the weekend, Sunday morning rituals to weave into family time, or bedtime rituals that make the end of the day safe and happy.
5. It is worth reinforcing positive and happy times by talking about them and remembering them together. Chat about the times in your fond memories, reliving the moments. Start keeping a family 'Appreciation Book' by writing down one or two things that you each enjoyed from the day. Doing this practice regularly helps to train the brain to notice positive moments and long term leads to a more positive outlook on life. Family tip of the week
Parents will only have the mental energy to focus on creating positive experiences and memories for their children if they are able to have positive, happy times for themselves too. No wrung-out overtired person was ever able to give the very best of themselves to others. Practice self care and regularly make time to do the things that you enjoy doing. Your positivity and happiness batteries need charging up regularly. For more tips from Tara go to www.theparentinggeek.com
